I tried to give you up But I'm addicted
by CaptainBri-Mazing
Summary: He was the boss of time, not the other way around. And the thing he wanted to do, more than rid himself of River's presence, was help Rose Tyler with her homework SPOILERS ALERT! HEAVY RIVER-BASHING! don't read if you're a river/doctor fan
1. Chapter 1

I don't know where this came from...see AN at the end. I don't own DW. Recommend listen: Time Is Running Out by Muse

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><p><em>You will be the death of me<em>

Like he would ever tell her his real name.

Please. If there was ever anyone who'd claim to keep secrets by writing them down in a dairy and then leaving it out for the world to see, it was River Song. If he really had told her his real name, well, he'd no doubt find it written on a canyon wall. He'd suffer through the "Sweetie" bit if it kept his real name a secret. Names have power, and he learned that lesson a long time ago.

"_Oh, big mistake. Because that name keeps me fighting."_

He was delirious with happiness when he was finally able to ditch his name and take on "the doctor", because that's who he was. He wanted to help people, even if it came with a heavy price. Still, he loved being the Doctor, and had never once looked back at his real name.

Weeellll, he's says never…

There was a time, one time, when he was really, _really_ tempted to tell someone his real name. It was a heat of the moment type situation, but in that moment, he wanted to hear his real name spill from her lips in ecstasy, her hazel eyes clouded with lust and her body arched against his passionately—

Best not go there.

He really _really _wished he had never met River Song. All she had given him was a headache, and a sick stomach every time she eluded to activities he knew he would never participate in. At least, not with her. No, his body, his hearts, his soul, belonged to another, and he would never disrespect her memory by seeking another in her place.

Rasslion, the woman never took anything serious! It was always innuendo after innuendo, like she kept expecting him to fall at her feet, or at least, into her bed. Of course, he was the last person to talk about being serious, but that was different. He laughed to keep from crying. He relished in adventures because it was nice solving other peoples' problems, and not having to deal with his own. And yes, he was a bit on the childish side, but who wasn't?

River Song, that's who.

Although, if he was honest with himself (which he rarely was), he didn't mind the flirting. The Doctor was a natural flirt, so it didn't bother him. He had flirted with Amy, before and even after Rory had joined them, but Amy was like him. She loved to flirt, and he enjoyed having fun with his ginger companion. It helped knowing that she was completely in love with her husband, so it was all done in fun. River flirting with him made his stomach turn and his blood boil. She flirted with him like it was her right, when really, there was only one woman who owned that right.

And he missed her so much, it was bordering on the insanity.

The Doctor had flirted with Rose a bit, back when he was broody and had a northern accent, but it was only when he was jealous. But when he regenerated into a pretty boy, more her style, it changed. In his tenth body, he had encouraged the flirting. He made it a point to flirt with her every chance he got! There was nothing he enjoyed more than flirting with Rose Tyler. It had started out as a game, to see who could make whom blush first, but then, it turned into a way of staking their claim in presence of others who dared to think otherwise. Finally, it was just the way they communicated. The only way they knew how to show they loved one another (other than the obvious) was their flirting, because it wasn't all innuendo, but chock full of confessions and endearments.

He missed flirting with Rose. It was one of the ways he could say "I need you."

It drove him near madness to hear River proclaim over and over again that he was the man she loved, that she loved him. She was a psychopath, what did she know about love? Nothing! She had no idea what love was. And even if she did, he certainly never felt it. Not like he felt Rose's love for him. Rose's love was like feeling the sun on his face for the first time; it was the two of them cuddling together in the library; it was chasing his nightmare away in the middle of the night; it was vowing forever, and meaning it, even when she was a universe away.

The Doctor loved Rose Tyler to obsession. His jealousy and possessiveness knew no bonds when they were together, and he made no allowances for it. Not that Rose ever complained. On the contrary, she loved it when he marked his territory, so to speak. His possessiveness allowed her to show _her_ possessiveness when other women dared to encroach on her Time Lord. Their possessiveness of each other was their way of saying "I love you."

It had scared him, the fact that he was marching to his death willingly. He had never dreamed that he would willingly go to his death. But more to the fact, he had this hope, this secret fantasy, that Rose would be with him at his final death. That he would find a way to be with her, and have the chance to spend his final death in the safety and comfort of her arms. It was a pipe dream, but a dream nonetheless.

He looked down at the blue cloth in his hand. It was his bowtie. His former favourite bowtie, because this was the bowtie he had used to "marry" River. Marry River Song. He still wasn't sure where she got that from. The Doctor didn't do domestic. It gave him hives, or whatever humans claimed to get when they have to come into contact with something they hated. Except, he didn't hate being domestic, not really. It was more that he hated the idea of being domestic with anyone that wasn't Rose.

There had been a moment, when he was his tenth self. He had been visiting Sarah Jane (Rose opting to stay on the Tardis), and she had given him an old briefcase that he used to carry whenever he had used his John Smith cover. There was nothing in it, except two bags of old jelly babies and a book written about black holes (in another language). He had entered the Tardis and, taking off his overcoat and setting down the briefcase, called out "Honey, I'm home." It was more to amuse Rose than anything, and he knew he had succeeded, when he heard her laughter. "I'm in the kitchen, slaving over your hot meal!" She had replied and he headed to the kitchen and stood in the doorway, watching her. Rose was barefoot, wearing old jeans and one of the rare t-shirts he owned, her hips swaying gently to a beat only she heard. He leaned against the doorway, truly arrested at the sight of her, when she looked over her shoulder and smiled coyly. "Welcome home, love." She teased, and he moved to her, slipping an arm around her waist, and kissing her like he had seen husbands kiss their wives on the telly. Breaking the kiss, she directed him to the table, and he sat down, grinning as she handed him his tea, made just the way he liked it. And for a moment, he thought _"I could get used to this."_ For a moment, he wanted this life with Rose, for as long as he could.

But then everything happened, and the Doctor put it out of his mind. Having River insunate that they had that kind of life in the future, made him feel unfaithful to Rose. And that was why he pushed so hard to figure out the exact details, so that would never happen. After all, time could be rewritten.

And that was exactly why he was locking the Tardis and making his way to the Powell Estate after watching Jackie Tyler leave her flat. He had shed his coat, and rolled his sleeves up to his elbows, and left his bowtie (red this time), untied, hanging around his neck. He hummed to himself as he made his way up the stairs, down the hall and to the third door. He knocked, reaching up and resting his right hand on the wall. The door opened, and he was treated to a beautiful sight.

The year was 2003, and Rose Tyler was seventeen years old. She leaned against the open door, wearing a white skirt, a pink vest, and barefoot. He took in her appearance, before looking up into her youthful face, which at the moment, sported a sultry smile. "I'm here to help you with your homework," he smirked and Rose reached up, grabbing both ends of his bowtie and wrapping them around her hands. "Well, then, Doctor," she began, tugging him inside, "let's get started, shall we." His smirked deepened as he kicked the door shut on her soft giggles.

_You're something beautiful_  
><em>A contradiction<em>  
><em>I wanna play the game<em>  
><em>I want the friction<em>

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><p>GASP! I'm totally blaming this on the mood I'm in after watching "The Wedding of River Song." The whole episode left me unsettled and after hearing "I could help Rose Tyler with her homework", well my twisted mind took me here.<p>

So, first things first, I KNEW the Doctor would never tell River his real name unless he absolutely had to! And even then, he found a way out of it! Please, like he'd ever seriously marry her. It drives me nuts when she calls herself the Doctor's wife. Good thing he didn't tell her his real name, god knows the woman is a blabber mouth!

Second, it seems to me that Steven Moffat is finally feeling the pressure, because this is the second time in as many episodes, that he's had the Doctor mention Rose. Finally.

Third, the ending totally left me wanting, at least on the Doctor's end. Wanting to blend into the shadows? Since when?

Fourth, the whole time got messed up cause River didn't want to kill him, would seem romantic to others. To me, it screams stupidity. Just kill the man, he knows what he's doing! Jeez. Every time she claimed it was because she loved him, ugh! She's a pyschopath, what does she know about love? C'mon Steven Moffat! Taking stupid pills or what?

Well, here's hoping the next season will be better.

Alright, if you guys want me to continue this, I will need reviews.


	2. Chapter 2

The amount of support I have received in the last few days has been overwhelming, to say the least. I cannot thank everyone who showed their support enough! From the bottom of my heart, I thank you. If I could, I would track you guys down and hug you, but then it would've been weird explaining who I was and why I was hugging you haha. This chapter is for you guys, and it is the last part. I don't own DW.

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><p><em>He flops down onto the seat, raising one hand to cover his eyes, avoiding looking at the group until he can speak without his voice shaking with anger. He can hear their footsteps as they cautiously move towards him. He lets his hand slide down and hit his leg with a loud smack. "What?" He says, irritated. "A mysterious summons, you think I'm just going to go? Who sent those messages?" He looks over at River, who's watching him with a guarded expression. He looks back to Amy, and Rory, their faces telling him that something is wrong and it has to do with him. "I know you know. I can see it in your faces. <em>_Don't play games with me. Don't ever, ever think you're capable of that." He states casually. "You're going to have to trust us this time." River states firmly." __Trust you. Sure." He gets up and gets in her face. "But first of all, Doctor Song, just one thing. Who are you? You're someone from my future—getting that—but who?" River looks back at him, stony expression. He glances over at Amy, who's watching. "Okay. Why are you in prison? Who did you kill? Hm?__" __Still nothing.__ "__Now I love a bad girl, me. But trust you? Seriously?"_

The Doctor opens his eyes and sits up, careful not to disturb the sleeping girl next to him. He looks out the window and is surprised to see that it's early morning. Huh. He rarely gets to spend the night. He watches Rose sleep, her face soft in her sleep, and he thinks about how much he loves her.

He gets up, making sure she doesn't wake, and pulls his trousers on. He opens the door quietly and makes his way to the kitchen, barefoot, his braces hanging down. He wonders where Jackie is, but is grateful she isn't there just the same. He looks out the kitchen window, breathing in the quietness of the flat. Now that his head was clear, he knew that it was the last time he was going to do this. And he was serious this time. He had been taking some serious risks, being with her this way. He just been so angry with River, but now…he could see that it wasn't her fault. None of it.

If anything, it was his. If he had saved her when she had still been a baby, she wouldn't have turned out to be the psychopath that she was. She tried to do the right thing, but he really wished that she would trust that he knew what he was doing. Maybe it was because he was accustomed to his companions following his lead.

Speaking of companions…he smiles when he feels a pair of slim arms wrap around his chest and a soft body press against his back. "Good morning." He says softly, reaching up and laying his hand against hers. "Good morning," she mumbles into his shoulder blades, standing on her toes to press a kiss to the nape of his neck. He turns in her arms, and looks at her. She is a vision - hair mussed from sleep, wearing his shirt. He cups her cheek and kisses her. He hopes Jackie doesn't pick that moment to return; he doubts seeing her teenage daughter - wearing what is clearly his shirt - in the arms of a man - who's bare chested - that she's never seen before would go over well.

He breaks the kiss and Rose snuggles into his chest, still warm from being wrapped up in the blankets together. "How do you feel?" She questions, and he sighs. "Better. Thank you." She lifts her head and gives him a mock-glare.

"I told you, you don't ever have to thank me, Doctor."

"I know. But I wanted to, anyways." He is going to miss her. So much.

"You're leaving." Rose says. He nods, suddenly finding a lump in his throat. "For good this time." She continues, knowing this day would always come, and determined to not fall apart in front of him. "You're always saving me." He tells her and she sniffs, adopting a cocky expression. "It's a gift." He chuckles, knowing she'll never really know until it happens.

"Do you have to go right this minute?" She asks, playing with the buttons on his shirt.

"Why?"

"Well, I was thinking that maybe, if you had the time…" she trails off, unbuttoning his shirt slowly, knowing she has his full attention. He immediately gets her message, reaching out to grip her hips.

"Rose Tyler, are you seducing me?"

"Is it working?"

He growls, hoisting her onto his hips. "Oh yes."

V

After prying themselves out of bed, and getting dressed, they head for the chip shop for breakfast. Then it's almost noon, and he cannot put off his departure. They're standing in the parking of the Powell Estate, holding each other. She rests her forehead against his. "Am I ever going to see you again?" She asks quietly, and he swallows the lump in his throat. "Of course you are. I'm just going to look and act different, remember?"

She nods. "Yeah, I remember. Leather jacket and northern accent."

"That's right. I'm not going to know who you are, so you'll need to stay alert, and be careful not to let on how much you know about me." He warns her.

"And remember to not-"

"Say yes. Wait for you to ask me twice." Rose parrots him, and he can feel how much it's taking her to walk away from him. He kisses her fiercely, not wanting to leave her, but knowing her needed to. "Even if I don't act like it or show it, I love you, Rose Tyler. In every regeneration." And with that, he turns and walks out of her life.

No matter how much he wishes, he couldn't save River. But he can save Rose Tyler.


End file.
